A Message To The People

So I know I've been absent for all of you that still check this site on the regular (I love you mommy) but don't think I've forgotten you. Now that I have a badass new comp with Linux (Windows Vista users stay losin), I will start making this a weekly video blog that will update you on everything that pretty much isn't your business about me. So if you are reading this, shut up...

In the meantime, I updated my myspace page with new pictures of me, with the usual zany commentary.


Check back in a week,
Justin

Movie Review: X-Men Origins Wolverine

20th Century Fox has continued its tradition of ruining great franchises with crappy spin offs here. Just as they allowed both Aliens and Predator to turn into shit b-movies, the new Wolverine movie gives us a script that called for not one, not two but three shots of Hugh Jackman looking toward the sky and yelling Nooooooooo!

Also Wolverine and Sabertooth are made to be brothers, which actually adds nothing to the plot of the film. There is also a subplot about about members of Wolverine's old team being killed one by one while the main character chops wood peacefully in the mountains (just like 20th Century Fox's Commando) that is abandoned as if it was only inserted to make the film longer. Adding to the cliches, there is an old rural couple who adopts Wolverine and gives him down home wisdom...like Superman.

Finally Deadpool is given an array of powers not seen in the comic book and cyclops comes off looking like a bitch who repeats "trust me I know the way".

The Verdict: This script of this movie was laughably bad. Its unbelievable a team of people read it and approved it. But at least Hugh Jackman was good.

Ask Justin!

Hello all, I've been a bit busy in the last month doing shows and designing courses for my alma mater. But that dosen't mean I don't have time for you. Please take the time out to ask me anything thats been on your mind lately in the comments section. I promise to respond with the tenderness of a lover with small hands.

Poll Result: Women Love Spanish Gibberish

Apparently women love it when you yell the word culo at them. Check the results:

Best Pickup Line?

Selection
S'up ho 20% 3
Ayyy Giyrl! 7% 1
Spanish Gibberish 67% 10
Damn you got a phat ass! 7% 1

15 votes total

The Funniest Shit This Week

This past week I had the good fortune of being able to see one of my comedy idols, Gilbert Gottfried perform at Caroline's on Broadway. Although you couldn't be there, listening to his infamous prank to senile real estate mogul Abe Hirshfeld is the next best thing. Check it:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3ro34kuxXM

Justin on The Arts

Sometimes Justin listens to music. On occasion I form an opinion on what I listen to. The following is a brief recap of some of those very opinions:

Album Review The Mars Volta 'The Bedlam and Goliath': The Mars Volta is my one of my favorite bands ever but after Frances the Mute, I began to tire of their 15 minute songs often filled with 4-5 minutes of ambient noise. I prayed to god and said "why can't they just rock out and keep some of the Pink Floyd stuff to themselves". God answered me with their newest album. 12 tracks, no filler and a Progressive sound that would make Rush throw their hand in the air and yell "ughn, oh yeah"! (10 bucks for anyone that gets that reference). In short, 'The Bedlam and Goliath' is nearly as good as their Jawesome classic 'De-loused in the Crematorium'. The second track Metatron > Your fav bands best work.

Album Review TV on The Radio 'Dear Science': My favorite people from Williamsburg release an album the critics are claiming is their most accessible and chart ready. I don't know about all that (they are probably too original/eclectic for MTV and not coon enough for the minstrel channel), but the shit is pretty good. Although this album seems to be doing well, I'm not sure a experimental rock band who dabbles in soul and R and B is going to do well in the age of soulja boy. Check the lead single Golden Age.

2009= Year of the Negro???

In honor of Black History Month, I think its only proper that we assess the state of African-American progress. Well Obviously we have a black President, but that ain't all. Now the chairman of the Republican Party is black, The Attorney General is black(free Attica), a 35 year-old black Coach won the Super Bowl and Serena Williams has been beating white women in Tennis like its Sega's virtual Tennis. And its only February for god sakes!

There is one barrier we have yet to over come as a people...Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan. Bear with me for a second.

While all the aforementioned success stories seem to constitute racial progress, wouldn't it be an even bigger story if the head of America's foremost racist organization was black? Now that's change I can believe in. So this begs the question, how will the Klan implement their Affirmative action policy?

Speaking of (black) polls, I was somewhat surprised to be named the most threatening black man in America. But then again I do have a higher education, public speaking skills and a white girlfriend. I'm sure whoever "the man" is wakes up in cold sweat every night thinking about that combination. Check the results:

Most Threatening Black Man?
Selection Votes
Barack Obama 13% 4
Kimbo Slice 33% 10
Malik Zulu Shabazz3% 1
Justin Williams 50% 15

30 votes total